Camping Jokes
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Skinny DippersAn elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up really nice, along with some picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. When he came closer, he realized it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end to shield themselves. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Camping Jokes
The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead go camping for the weekend. The brunette brings food so they can eat, the red head brings water so they can drink and the blonde brings a car door, so if she gets hot she can roll down a window
Camping Jokes
Many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't think of what to name their children. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, "Let's not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us." After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would also turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn't matter which way the parents positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. "Let's call the boys Towards and Away," suggested the fisherman. His wife agreed, and from that point on, the boys were simply known as Towards and Away. The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong. The day came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, "Boys, it is time that learned how to make a living from the sea." They provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for a three month voyage. The three months passed quickly for the fisherman's wife, yet the ship had not returned. Another three months passed, and still no ship. Three whole years passed before the greiving woman saw a lone man walking towards her house. She recognized him as her husband. "My goodness! What has happened to my darling boys?" she cried. The ragged fisherman began to tell his story: "We were just barely one whole day out to see when Towards hooked into a great fish. Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal. For a whole week they wrestled upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the side of our ship. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again." "Oh dear, that must have been terrible! What a huge fish that must of been!" "Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away...."
Camping Jokes
Flying in the plane Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, "Do you know where we are?" "I think so," replied the other hunter. I think this is about the same place where we landed last year!"
Camping Jokes
Two men went bear hunting.
Camping JokesA blonde, a brunette, and a redhead where marooned on an island and the blonde stumbled across a lamp with three wishes, the blonde called the others over and said look I found a lamp, the redhead snached it out of her hand and and said "I wish I was at home in my warm bed" she disappeared to her bed with her husband, the brunnete then said "I wish I was at home too!" so she disappeared, the blonde was then scared of being left alone so she said "I wish the other two were back here!" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxSally, a blonde, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. She got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout. Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johnnie's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out. They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event - hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare themeal and, of course, Mike said he would. About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, "I can't make the supper. I can't light a fire with the matches you brought." Sally replied, "I don't understand! Those matches should be perfectly fine. I tested them all just before we left."xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice. Then from the heavens a voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.'' Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice. The voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.'' This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.'' The very scared blonde raised her head and said, ''Is that you, Lord?'' The voice answered, ''NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK.''
Camping Jokes A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?" The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife." "What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter. "My wife."
Ten common fishing terms explained
Camping jokes Once there was a group of hikers climbing Mt. Everest. The group leader gave the rest of the group some very important advice. "If by chance you see the Yeti, run, but whatever you do, Don't Touch The Yeti!!" That night, after the group had set up camp, one member was in his tent, when the great Yeti came. The Yeti was standing in the doorway. The guy was so scared, he shot out running, but on his way, he touched the Yeti. The Yeti started running after him. The guy was running as fast as he could. He got off the mountain, but the Yeti was still following. He rented a bike and cycled all the way to the nearest city. Later, the man saw the Yeti coming. The guy caught a train and headed out of the city as fast as he could. A couple days later, he saw the Yeti coming. The guy at once, got on a plane to America. A few weeks later, he sees the Yeti coming his way. The guy starts running as fast as he could, but he was too exhausted. He trips and falls. The Yeti comes up to the man. The guy gets up to his feet and says, "What do you want?!" The Yeti reaches out to him and says, "Tag, you're it." 
Camping Jokes
Camping Turtles Two turtles go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer. After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot but realize they’ve forgotten a bottle opener. The first turtle turns to the second and says, "You’ve gotta go back and get the opener or else we have no beer." "No way," says the second. "By the time I get back, you will have eaten all the food." "I promise I won’t," says the turtle. "Just hurry!" Nine full days pass and there’s still no sign of the second turtle. Exasperated and starving, the first turtle digs into the sandwiches. Suddenly, the second turtle pops out from behind a rock and yells, "I knew it! I’m not going!"
Camping Jokes I was sent home from summer camp because of poor eyesight. I was the only camper who didn't see the skunk. 
Camping Jokes Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see? "Well, I see thousands of stars." "And what does that mean to you?" "Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?" "To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."
Camping Jokes
Alert!
In case anyone is considering doing some camping this spring or summer, please note the following public service announcement:
Camping Jokes 
Camping Jokes Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants. Old socks can be made into high fiber beef jerky by smoking them over an open fire. When smoking a fish, never inhale. A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes. The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills. Acupuncture was invented by a camper who found a porcupine in his sleeping bag. While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely un heard of. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle. Effective January 1, 1997, you will actually have to enlist in the Swiss Army to get a Swiss Army Knife. Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match. You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the north side of your compass. You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese. When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on. You can compress the diameter of your rolled up sleeping bag by running over it with your car. Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone. A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup. A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck. You can start a fire without matches by eating Mexican food, then breathing on a pile of dry sticks. In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear. The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling. Check the washing instructions before purchasing any apparel to be worn camping. Buy only those that read "Beat on a rock in stream." The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle. It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road behind a large motor home. Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly country. The tricky part is getting them on the bears. A great deal of hostility can be released by using newspaper photos of politicians for toilet paper. In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to strangle a snoring tent mate. Not a camping joke, but I wanted to share it with you anyway. The teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Johnny interrupted. "My Mommy looked back once while she was Driving," he announced, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"
Camping Jokes
A New York boy was being led through the swamps of Louisiana by his cousin.
A hiker is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon apreacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water andsubsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and isalmost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, 'Areyou ready to find Jesus?' 'Yes I am' replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him inthe river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?' The drunk replies, 'No, I haven't.' The preacher, shocked at theanswer, dunks him into the water again, b ut for a bit longer this timeHe pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus, mybrother?' The drunk again answers, 'No, I have not found Jesus.'By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk inthe water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds When the drunk begins kic king his arms and legs, the preacher pulls himup. The preacher asks the drunk again, 'For the love of God, have youfound Jesus?' The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to thepreacher,
'Are you sure this is where he fell in?
Two Men Camping
Camping Jokes At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience. Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, "This is the place!". The other replied, "No, it's not!". The first man said, "Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side. To which the other man replied, "Silly, you can't tell a brook by it's clover."
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